I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
