it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
