a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
