capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm too high and old for this...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
