Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
