How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
