DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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