I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
