Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
