he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
