I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
