so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
