we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
