ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
3pm strippers are depressing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
