Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
