your room smells of hookers.
And success
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
