so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
