i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
