Umm I'm too high to move.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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