So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
