Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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