I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
