I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
