well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
