We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
