After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
nutella sex= disaster
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
