So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
