This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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