before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
