Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
