I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
