Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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