Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
