i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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