he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
