But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
