new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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