ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
