I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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