Betty ford says i'm here all night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
