tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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