he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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