I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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