I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
