just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
