Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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