We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
