after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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