Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
