You're so nebulous sometimes
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
