I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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