I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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