You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
