Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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